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How To Get Laid at a Wedding

How To Get Laid at a Wedding

I know what you’re thinking – How do I not get laid at a wedding? Like I need advice on this.

I was once like you. And by that, I mean twenty-two. I would waltz into a wedding, or Dougie, laser focus on a guy and pretend I wanted to learn how to tie a tie. Oh, let me try! How do you do this? Wait. Is it easier if I get behind you? (Worked every time.) Listen to me, sister. It doesn’t last forever. And the older you get (And you will. It just happens. One day you’re having your 100% cotton jeans taken in, and the next day you’re ordering leggings in bulk.) the more you’re going to have to turn it out to get turned out. You’ll need a plan of attack to get attacked. You’re going to have to look good to get the goods. (See what I did there?)

And by looking good, here’s what I’m talking about. There’s one thing that makes everyone look good to their paramour of choice. One little universal thing that makes you sexy. Say it with me: Confidence. And what makes you more confident than a killer outfit? An amazing upbringing in a family who supports you in your choices and helps you grow from your failures? Ok, so… Let’s stick with that killer outfit. You just need that one dress, that versatile dress that you look great in, and that lets you accessorize the house down boots (or a stiletto sandal, depending on the season). Or maybe you need a few of them. After all, why limit the possibilities? Because when you feel that good, you’ll get felt up. (Again, I’m just…OK you get it.) And if you don’t get laid, because we all know IT DOESN’T PROVE YOUR WORTH, at least you have some amazing clothes.

    

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